Calm Ship

Often when I gaze upon the multitudious commands of the holy scripture, facing my written dictator, I think of boats.

Why boats? I actually am struck right now that I have probably used this analogy before. But with all the promises of God, the goal of my internal existence is to be a calm calm ship. To not be turned by storms, waves, monsters, pirates, you name it. I think of this particular thought because I awake today, in the home that i have lived in, and the animals are silent, as well as my roommates. And still inside something rages. It is like a deep craving for something beyond me. Should I try and satisfy it, I often find peace, not because of the sating of the desire, but because of hte exhaustion of my body. How truely sad it is, that I cannot find true rest in this body of death in this life of anarchy. As people multiply the vaccum grows louder. To fill their own void, they try hard to fill others, desperately hoping that will easy the turmoil and hte loneliness. Only to no prevail.

How we all seek after God and do not know it. How we all hunger on a deep level and do not know it. How we all champion ourselves in every possible way and cannot escape it. May God be good to me, this sunday, in words, in deed, in thoughts, in strength, in learning. May he clear my mind of anxiety, and set my boat from the seas and deposit me in the high mountain.

Where does knowledge and Wisdom dwell?

Most of the time I would consider my head to be a vault of wisdom and secrets. What is known can be easily accessed, what isn't known can be easily learned. Practical wisdom, spiritual wisdom; my undertstanding is that they swim in the waters of my head. How poor my understanding of spiritual knowledge is.

Math maybe be studied and then constructed. Science facts may be studied and then renewed. English rules may be practiced and then applied to papers. But spiritual knowledge and wisdom, what a beast!

Why call this a beast? Is it not mere static knowledge like the rest of the things we learn in school? I would tell you no, because what the bible says. Holy knowledge is resisted by those who are perishing. Holy knowledge tells us about the things that are unseen. We have a mind capable like a sponge, but a pride and a sinful nature that often ring out our minds, and sop up evil instead.

Our minds are not considered to be great storehouses or even factories of this knowledge. There are no commands that we should learn the bible, then try to write the next chapter of it. Our lot in the whole thing is to trust, obey, and keep ourselves to the faithful word written.

A vision of the future

Who says you can't see the future?

Ok, a complete prophecy may be out of the question, but what about tendencies? Tendencies for the future make their debut in our 20 somethings.

There is a clash in my head. I wake up to see me and my roommates look at our respective hobbies, our relative distractions, to entertain us. It is not hard to fast forward about 20 years and imagine a similar older, crankier version of this. Oh, the horror! How i despised fathers or older men that would wake up to the television. How i hated their worship of their hobbies or their sports! And yet I am 25% of the way there also.... How there sin and inadequencies should be so plain to me! And oh the horrow, how my own sin has somehow been hidden in the floorboards, in the mattresses.

How true it is: "A man's ways seem pure unto his own eyes, but the lord knows the depth of his heart".

How scared I am, and ever more scared I should be that day by day i continually build this frankenstein monster, sin by sin, bits of anger here and there. Lord! Bring they grace and salvation, free me from the chains of death that turn man to beast, to monster, and bring him to uprighteousness. How I long to be a man, no longer a dog. But the price, the price, am I willing to pay the price? To have arms lost, hobbies destroyed, and heaven help us, my fun to be ended.

It must be. What good shall fun be if we are abominations to our churches, abominations to our families? Our souls are precious, and show the full display of our works.

And worry not, anything given up to God will repaid 10 fold if not more, all fun things given, all good times aborted, all gifts given, they will all be repaid a little here on earth, but in abundance in our rest, heaven